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Monday, June 30, 2008 @ 6:46 AM

killer tension.

sometimes you call out for help.
You wave your arms frantically, desperately hoping for someone to respond.
And people do see your plea, yet they turn back, and simply walk away.

I dont like to get my mood affected by other negative emotions.
Well, I try.
But at times, I cant just ignore them, not even for a second.
They haunt me.

today has been tiring, and unfortunate. Good luck, Jingwei for tomorrow's WALA meet!
JingWei FTW!

-

If you dare hurt her again, I swear to God, I will personally crush you.

Even though it means I'll get detained or something.
By all means, try me.

Sunday, June 29, 2008 @ 2:06 AM

because You live.

Went to the choir concert yesternight. The Sc pri girls were just adorable.
I love the first song they sang, can anyone tell me the song title? It's the theme song of Castle In The Air I think.
Thanks for the hug Shane, I needed it too!
Oh and Shane said I look better in long pants. hm, maybe I should stick to the casual tshirt and jeans :D

which leads me to another big thought: What's my dressing sense gonna be like ten years down the road.
So, I was thinking, maybe a V-neck, jeans, and a coat, finished off with shoes from PedroShop and good hair. Genius!

Today, my sister and I went to CCK park, which was like, crowded. Frickin kids spilled drink ):
and we jogged, and i lapped my sister for five times!
I know she's not the best runner around, but hey, five times around the damn park is ALOT.

Anyway, my cousin made breakfast for me. Two eggs for the eyes and bacon for the smile. And tomatoes for the cheeks and chilli sauce as eyesbrows. I was damn touched, cos she woke at like, five to make those. And yes, I weeped abit.
For a moment I felt like the luckiest man on Earth.

-

You seem so foreign and afraid of me, as if you'd crumble if I edged closer. Why.

Friday, June 27, 2008 @ 8:14 AM

I space Love space You.

people around me all getting sad, in one way or another.
People often get sad, because they can't see the broader perspectives to the situations. Big picture man.
There's this chinese saying I remember which happens to be a lil irrelevant.

忍一时，风平浪静。退一步，海阔天空。

It means that if you tolerate a while, things will remain fine, and when you take a step back, you'll get the full picture and well, won't do stupid stuff.

For Shane,

"Rest your head

You worry too much

Its going to be alright

When times get rough

You can fall back on us

Dont give up

Please dont give up,"

I told you we're alike in so many ways. We lead sad lives, but hey, at least you have great friends. Always look on the bright side of life! ( I showed you that video before!)

Thursday, June 26, 2008 @ 5:03 AM

read the damn Manual.

Today is just one joke day. Sometimes I wish I was in America, where everyone believed in freedom of speech. Racist jokes are funny, we have to keep quiet because uh, it's not allowed in Singapore. Honestly I won't mind people making fun of my race.

Check out Carlos Mencia. He's someone who believes in freedom of speech, and wants everyone to have fun, just laughing and making fun of everyone, including himself. I admire him (:

so yea, I wont continue, in case I get frickin' sued or something.
anyway I recalled a joke I came across some time ago.

Three men got caught by a tribe. The tribe leader told them to do as he says or they're good as dead.
The three men nodded.
"Now each of you go find a fruit, and bring ten of it back!"
Three of them hurriedly set off to search.

Not long after, the first guy came back running with ten apples in his hands.
The tribal leader spoke, "Very well, now stuff these fruits inside your rectum (through the hole...), and if you make a sound I'll kill you,"
The man sighed, and started off.
One, two... He moaned in pain, and was killed.

Not long after, the second guy came running with ten cherries.
After being told the instructions, he started off.
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine... he burst out in laughter and was killed.

Meanwhile in heaven, the first guy met the second guy.
"hey you could've made it, why did you laugh?"
The second said," I saw the hird guy coming with pineapples!"

Okay anyway, Daniel owes me Java Chips and MrNg owes me Kitkat. Teehee!

Wednesday, June 25, 2008 @ 7:35 AM

Nitric acid irritates your eyes and should be kept away from them as far as possible.

I had to learn it the hard way. MsKhoo is pretty friendly and humurous I guess, despite her killer stare and killer Curves. I won't use boobs cos boobs is overused today!

Anyway, we had this relationship talk kinda thing, which was basically about
Sex, love, infatuation, marriage, sex, self-control, sex, friends, sex, relationships, sex.
Chye told me I behave 'not as crazily' when there're girls around. Sucks ):
Or maybe i'm just too crazy in school. I nearly had a bet with some guy that I'd get MsKhoo's number. Whoops.

Then later we found a dead cat in the corner of the gym. Coach was super.

"Omg! Are those maggots?"
(hey i really didnt have a clue kay. They looked like pop corn cos they twirled up)
"Oh no, they're earthworms."

I had no idea Germans and Singaporeans had the same sense of humour ):

Tuesday, June 24, 2008 @ 7:20 AM

bored (again)

Your Seduction Style: Fantasy Lover

You know that ideal love that each of us dreams of from childhood? That's you!
Not because you posess all of the ideal characteristics, but because you are a savvy shape shifter.
You have the uncanny ability to detect someone's particular fantasy... and make it you.

You inspire each person to be an idealist and passionate, and you make each moment memorable
Even a simple coffee date with you can be the most romantic moment of someone's life
By giving your date exactly what he or she desires, you quickly become the ideal lover.

Your abilities to make dreams come true is so strong, that you are often the love of many people's lives.
Your ex's (and even people you have simply met or been friends with) long to be yours.
No doubt you are the one others have dreamed of... your biggest challenge is finding *your* dream lover.

Wow I wish this was true. Anyway I'm just bored to pieces, so I'm checking out some quizzes. TeeHee!

4:28 AM

my Heart burns for you.

so, I guess the previous posts were getting a little too emo(tional).
things are starting to look up, or rather, I was starting to look from another perspective. I won't burst into tears when I see my cousin now.
Her name's Jamie, i feel tired typing 'my cousin' all the time. instead of crying, i put on a smile. sometimes i try to plaster it on, so that she'll smile too.

anyway, school today was good, i guess.
Bitch here Bitch there Bitch everywhere.
Oh guess wat, I'm math rep. so now I collect YOUR work, and I copy! Muahaha.

And thanks Shuli & Wens. Your diary has helped me organise matters, and hand up work on time :D
handing work on time, it's like finding kryptonite. TeeHee!

Monday, June 23, 2008 @ 7:14 AM

it's the Beast in our heads.

school today made me feel common, literally.
like I was any other student, with common friends, common homework.
it provided me a space to breathe and think, in the midst of all this shit.
Laughter, smiles, Jokes, irritation, it all made me happy.
Suddenly, I seem to look forward to School, where escapism awaits, from this fucked up situation.

so, last night, my cousin and I baked. Flour flew across the kitchen, half beaten eggs on the floor, our mould almost being poisoned by some lizard pee.

When i told her i wanted to video-cam all of it down, she refused.
She says that, she doesnt want me to miss her too much, cos she knows im exactly that type who will.
I remember the words
"I want you to rush forward in life. Don't be burdened by your past!"
We were both in tears. They just seem to flow up out of my eyes in streams.
Her embrace seemed like the most comfortable thing I've ever known.
So I only had two hours of sleep before school started, it was worth it.

Shane told me, that God wants to end her suffering. she was so sure about it that it convinced me, and it was another way to see it. It made me feel much better.
Thanks Shane.

Saturday, June 21, 2008 @ 7:48 PM

Free me now.

I was totally controlled by my emotions. When I couldn't find my calculator I dont know what the hell caused me to get so darn frustrated, to the point of breaking down.

School, Relationship problems, My cousin, the past, Everything.
and I'm only fucking fifteen.

I think I have the saddest life anyone can possibly get. Yea, I try to be optimistic, so you see me laughing my ass off around. I remember my uncle telling me, that he was thankful I was optimistic, because if I weren't I probably would've cried a pacific ocean out of my eyes. I miss him.

right now, i can only see the unfortunate events in my head, right at the bottom of the pit. during nights I'd just cry to sleep, before I enter a temporary moment of escapism. When i wake, everything starts flowing back into my head.

all of my closest friends seem to dissipate, and I understand their reasons, but I just feel so helpless. No one to talk to, leaving my head to wonder, remeber, recollect, and break down.

Yesternight, my cousin came back to Singapore. I didnt know what I felt. Happy, yet depressing.
She was pale as can be, sitting in a wheelchair. It hurts me to see her so.
and i spoke, my words blurred by the hints of crying. And I told her that she'd be alright.
The feeling, it just threw me into tears.
but i knew i had to be strong, in front of her, that's what she wants.

Friday, June 20, 2008 @ 7:42 AM

I wish.

sometimes, no matter how hard you try to think positive, You simply can't, cos sometimes, there just aren't any positive sides to it.

My close relative is down with cancer. She's waiting for her time. When the call came, i was just dumbfounded.
I lost my uncle three years ago; he was closer to me than my dad was. Now this.
I love her. she was the best big sister anyone could ever have. I just love her so much.

yea, you so see me laughing off and smiling like nothing matters. ironically, my face is tear-filled now.
i know i shouldn't cry; i know i gotta be strong. That was what she would've wanted me to be. And that's what I'll become.

everything happens for a reason, Shuli says. I wish that she'll be blessed with every happiness. I'll make her remaining days her best time.

tomorrow I'm having my national juniors meet. I have no idea how I'll perform in a state like that. I hope i don't disappoint my Coach. ah, gotta give it all I've got.

And the tear flow never ceases.

Thursday, June 19, 2008 @ 8:01 AM

because It's hard.

so I went out with a diva today. She won't allow me to post her picture!

You're great, just the way you are. I'm really glad today happened. It felt like a gift :D
I'm so gonna win the bet. We'll be back at the secret hideout, every year. Hee.

Thanks for today, Poh! :D

today i thought again, mostly about my dad. Sometimes i wonder whether i'm really his son. I'm nothing like him, not a hint. it kept occuring to me that one day my dad will tell me that I'm not his son, (from this part onwards it's crap) and he'll tell me my real parents are super secret agents and they died in action and he, being a good friend of my parents promised to take care of me. that'd be frickin' cool.

oh well, for now I'm just a small boy. Living in a big world.

One day, I'll be a big boy, living in a big world. My world.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008 @ 4:41 AM

rip that mask off.

I remember, my first impression of the Ouyongs and the Chens were like, "omg, I'm gonna be spending this trip with a bunch of Lians."

Yes, i used to classify girls who wear funny outfits and have this weirdass hairdo, occasionally twit (no offence) under the category of Lians. and i know alot of us does the same. It can't be helped, human beings love to classify stuff. I used to think Lians were people who only cared about how their hair looks like (wait so do I), and get the latest skinny jeans trend. Heck, Lian sounds funny, who the hell came up with the name.

so I was spending my first day with them at the driving range, hoping they wouldnt call their beng friends to come whoop my ass or something. Well, they're actually really nice people, I swear i got a shock. I know my vocab sucks like crap, it's hard for me to describe stuff. They just were not what i thought of them to be. It jerked me into deep though (once again)

classification. assumptions. discrimination. I'm sure im not the only person who feels this way. but well, why classify and differentiate when we're all goddamn humans. Yea sure, the AhBengs can be intimidating, they fish their phone out of their pocket and the whole gang is behind him before you know it. oh yea, funny thing is, they'll beat you up if you cross their territory, as if it's theirs. what the fuck? anyway, point is, what's the difference between an Ahbeng and a normal good kid. Yea sure, outlooks. But we all got four limbs, a face, and heck, maybe even the same language. why the Boobs can't we just get along. why do humans like to classify and discriminate.

It feels like the whole human existence becomes a big question mark inside my head. Sheesh.

Monday, June 16, 2008 @ 7:03 AM

I walked on Clouds

while i was on my way home, like the damned six hour ride, i was thinking how to describe this trip.
im kinda speechless now, like in a dazzled blur. So I came back home, showered, and I sat down.
Now what?

yes, the trip was fun. it didnt feel like a holiday with the family, more like with friends.
fortunately, i got to know the Ouyongs and the Chens (the chests rapists)
my dad told me i used to bathe with them when i was a toddler. and yea, they're girls.
loved the card games that we play through the night, and truth or dare :D
OH YEA, we nearly got caught but the hotel manager for ringing other doorbells as a dare. SHEESH.
I know i have a blogging deficiency, so dont blame me if I'm not clear (:

so for the past three days, i was a cookie monster and FamousAmos was my best friend :D
we tried every flavour. we even sneaked it in the cinema.
Oh yes, and we caught three movies in three days. Two midnights and one in the morning.
FUNFUNFUN.

Golf there was da bombz. weather was great, people there were friendly too.
ah, what more can I ask for.
Speaking of service, the people there are champions.

"hello sir, what would you like to order?"
"hi, can i have a cup of ice water?" (i know 'ice water' is not proper english, but...)
"sorry, we dont have ice water,"
"oh uh, can i have plain water and ice cubes in a cup then?"
"right away, sir,"

Pictures will be up when i figure how to use the gay white camcorder.
somehow the short three day trip cant be summarised in just this post.

Friday, June 13, 2008 @ 6:08 AM

tell me I'll see you tomorrow.

DWI CHOONG IS BACK IN SINGAPORE. LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE IS GONNA BE ON A LOOKOUT FOR SINGAPOREAN CUTE GUYS AGAIN.
that sweetcheeks got me tonnes of chocolate, like I'm not obese enough already.
and she told me Crabtree & Evelyn double chocolate chip cookies are impossible to make. What is kill my morale. Sheesh!

so, today is Friday the 13th. whoo, scary. my aunt got completely freaked out. we had to change our departure time because of her.

"eh Ben what time we leaving Singapore arh?"
"maybe around 11 to 12."
"HUH! (scandalous HUH) Friday thirteenth?!"
"eh ya, friday,"
"Dont want lah! later the police at the custom dont let us pass. Suay one leh. or the police dog come bite us. or we travel on the road then train derail knock us down. or got robber rob us, or..."

basically she went on and on so my dad decided to change to fourteenth, on the Saturday. like, Three in the morning.
now tell me, WHO THE HELL DRIVES AT THREE IN THE MORNING.

I'm giving a pass for the Wings competition tomorrow, because of the trip. since I dont really bother, might as well give up the chance for the others. Others whose interest remain on the field, in that ring.

yes, Dwi is moaning in depression cos she just came back and i have to go like, five hours later. and yes, I'm sad too ):

Guys dont miss me too much kay. I know it's hard, but just try! :D

will be back on monday evening, with the fruit of labour from shopping at KL and Genting. Muaha.
LOVE YA'LL AND PEACE OUT!

Thursday, June 12, 2008 @ 6:45 AM

I'm such an Ass.

so there's classy black, sexy red, and gay white. My dad had to choose Gay white. Sheesh.
anyway, was having this homework session with WenFei at limbang Macs, and i saw so many Unity people.

like, there was this guy named WeeKiat, his hair was a mixture of gold and brown, and he had that float cap thing.
All the Kiats i know are ahbengs.
The guy had this come-kick-my-ass face.

Oh and I was doing the damn rubrik's cube, which pissed me off.
it had to go wrong at the last step. stupid colourful cube got some damn attitube problem. Sheesh.

math homework is like, the best. I did wenfei's share too :D
and wenfei kindly showed me an example of the kinda letters that SC girls like to write :D
anyhow, I'm also glad we're friends. Hehe.

Ben and Elaine's comedy Company.

lil John loved to make bets. his dad was very desperate to rid off his bad habit. thus, when we was moving to a new school, he told his teacher to keep an eye on lil John.

so, lil John went to school. he saw his teacher and decided to make a bet with her.
"I betcha ten bucks you wont show me your butt no matter how I plead,"
the teacher thought, if she won the bet, she might be able to curb his bad habit, thus she showed him his ass and lil John paid her ten bucks.

later that night, the teacher called lil John's father and told him about the happening.
"i did it, i curbed him off his bad habit!"
"uh no you didnt. he bet me a hundred bucks he'd see your ass by today."

Tuesday, June 10, 2008 @ 7:39 AM

Lurbbbyaaa! XOXO

oh yea...

irresistable, even the hamster in the ball wants it.

i almost died studying. luckily there was wenfei! we had (finger) sex, so much fun. Oh, we're so gonna do it again.

oh so we had cadbury and water for dinner. i sniffed her hair she poked my chests. we're even!
(wait till i get my hands on your chests!)

i wish these days never end. i'm so happy you and I are, oh so close :D

DATE ME SOMETIME, SEXMATE!

Monday, June 9, 2008 @ 7:44 AM

"I kinda like that thing between your legs."

went to Shuli's house for homework session. so Sorry i couldnt remain silent most of the time. hey, but we're talking about homework. it's almost a bad word. HOMEWORK.

her brother was damn shy. oh and i got forced to show him my dacing chests okay. SHEESH.
so studies were boring and soul-sucking, so we caught like, one fifth of the zack and cody show and the whole of The Covenant. and yes, the male lead inside is hot, not to mention the female one. (someone doesnt like her, hehe)

I super envy her family. Funny people, have extra funny friends, just laugh whole day long kind. oh and thanks for telling me all those stuff, making my stomach hurt like anything.

I hope we can do homework together again :D

PS. sorry i made your mum think that I'm your boyfriend. not intentional. and i like your maid too (:

Sunday, June 8, 2008 @ 6:58 AM

'简单就是美。'

you look super cute. Smile more!

mine's really wild, hard to tame :(

see, my two balls and my crooked dragon.

went out with the stan and gang. and Wen Fei (there's a space okay. hehe)

got an extra ticket for kungfu panda. So it wasnt the best movie we could watch, and Wen Fei said i looked like the panda. Gah.

I really like the present you two got for me, W&S. (Wen Fei and Shuli) i promise i'll use it everyday! :D

on the wrapper wrote:

BEN

THE
MAN

hahaha, BEN. SO SWEET SHULI :D

A picture speaks a thousand words. well in this case, picturesssss.

Pictures from Wen Fei.

REALLY HAPPY WE GOT OUT TODAY, GUYS! :D

Saturday, June 7, 2008 @ 8:17 AM

"can I try that on?"

my aunt's the coolest.

"Ben arh, next time arh, you go out work, must beware of all the people around you! Never let your guard down!"
"Orh."
"Especially must be careful of the horny female colleagues okay!"
I choked on my tea.

so we went shopping (hehe), and i was conversing with the person at fox. i was really impressed at her oratorical skills kay. i didn't even feel like im her customer. just friends. I am so going to attend interaction classes when i grow up. it's so darn important.

OH YEA.
someone got her braces removed. that girl with fancy specs :D
congrats, Elaine.

Friday, June 6, 2008 @ 8:22 AM

'there's always an Alternative.'

double training session day.
sprints+throws+abs+crazyangmohchickenchop+basketball+tennis
+twolitresofwater+crazywarmup+throwsagain+gym
= Death.

i was on my dad's car, on my way home, and i literally fell asleep the minute i lay my butt down in the car.

today i threw a 32. it definitely shows when you no longer have interest.
Coach talked, we listened; but it felt like I was the only target.

get a grip, Ben.

so today, I got myself jeans from Lee. i gotta say, i was super impressed. it pawns Levi's handsdown. its jeans shrunk my butt! :D

Thursday, June 5, 2008 @ 6:28 AM

you're my Sunshine.

hahaha, the smaller one.

today i watched 'definitely, maybe' again. I remember how we argued our turns to talk about parts of this movie, just a few days ago. i can't help but think about our journey, our friendship. it's been five years. yet i know that you'd be in my life forever, already.

i must've been a super nice guy in my previous life; that could be the only explanation for my friendship with you. you've no idea how much happiness and joy you've brought into my life. i know how cliche this sounds, yet it seems like the only words that can express my feelings.

Six years, we've been through much. although not all of the experiences were pleasant, I'm still glad it happened. I'm still glad it was you and I, not anyone else. I'm glad that at the end of the day, we're still friends. The best kind (:

i still remember those days in primary school. the only time i was ever a prefect. haha and we bickered over the very fact. we used to play netball during recess, and i had this weirdass voice i could make, to intimidate people. "oiiiiiiiii!!" not to mention runescape, then maplestory. we were happy. wait, we still are (:

thankyou for being there when I was pulling my hair out.
thankyou for texting me all night long.
thankyou for all the horny talks, I can't get enough :P
thankyou for being honest with me.
thankyou for being my friend.

wenfei, feifei, wennie, Wenzi (i remember this one came from the mosquito sucking the love outta me or smth. Hahaha.) someday, we'll play with my dragon. Muaha.

yes, childish and naive. Who cares. we're gonna be friends forever. forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever. Well, you get the point.
LOVE YOU FOREVER , TEO WENFEI.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008 @ 5:56 AM

don't wanna Miss a thing.

i can't possibly find anyone more random. neither can i find anyone more retarded. but you stand out. Yes you do.

whenever I have problems, or need a talking partner during training, I know you're just a stone's throw away. I know I can trust you.

I know this sounds kinda mushy, but without you my CatHigh life wouldn't be as fun.
i promised to help you, cos we're family. All of us.

I want you to know that my arms will always be open for a troubled heart, or just for some naughty gossip. I'll miss you in the years to come.

Thank you for being a part of my life, Lee JingWei (:

Tuesday, June 3, 2008 @ 6:36 AM

don't wanna Close my eyes.

i'm so damn happy we're great friends again, Shuli. haha, not like you're ever gonna read my blog thanks to a really smart pact. Yes, i need stickers, so get me some.

had the ShaWaShu lunch at pizzahut. I got off a stop earlier, and i didn't have any cow direction sense, which basically spelt a hard time for me. Anyway i never sat at pizzahut for this long. (:

so yea, i'm happy :D thank you, Shuli. it's different without you. i dont ever wanna lose a friend like you. LURBZSXZSZX EEUUUUXZXZXSZ.

thank God (:

Monday, June 2, 2008 @ 7:58 AM

you're Back!

ten days sure felt like a ten weeks. I'm so happy you're back. we can finally hang out, Wenfei.
next time we visit Italy we must remember to avoid visiting David, he's a disappointment ;D

oh and,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SANDY LIM!
if it weren't for you i wouldnt have watch the same movie on a consecutive day.
I owe you a present (:

so, Jingpeng talked me into skipping remedial tomorrow. not my fault, hehe.

i know im posting in blocks of things but i'm just kinda high tonight. happy things are happening.
Thanks you for calling me. Really.

YAY WENFEI'S BACK!

Sunday, June 1, 2008 @ 7:13 AM

made of Honour.

today has been great, with marissa wong. next time you need P.Is, contact us.
We're professional (:

we ran, hid, ran, spied, ran, find. picking our steps and paths, we edged closer and closer to them.
i never had this much fun for a long time. Thanks, marsy :D

anyway, we were in the cinema, eating our sandwich. i had a bite, and half of it dropped off. obviously it has been divided purposefully.

'oh they cut it into half,' i said.
'huh?' she attempted to lift the other half. 'OH...'

i know it sounds retarded, but she really is awesome. never fails to amaze me.
and yes, i know you ordered the double cheeseburger correctly the other time. (:

tis' the way